Feedback:
1. The second sentence, "held a post of the leader for" can be shortened.
【I will incorporate it in my revision because it is a formal article, I need to be more concise.】
2. The second and third paragraphs are not related.
【I will think more about this advice because teacher advised me to note why the responder wanted to join the club. And it seems that it is better to put her reasons in the second paragraph than to any other place. Also, the third paragraph is the beginning of my main content. So somehow it appears to be that I cannot find the proper way to revise it because I think they “are” related.】
3. “She went almost around Taiwan....” is sort of weird.
【To a certain extent, I will accept this suggestion, because I think readers may somehow misunderstand my meaning, so I’d prefer to change it into “many places” to “around Taiwan”.】
4. The word "deserve" in the last sentence seems bizarre.
【I will receive this proposal because I think “expected ” is more appropriate. 】
5. Maybe you can delete the second paragraph or elaborate more.
【Because I “need” to mention what is the responder's original intention so I think I cannot delete the whole paragraph. Thus, I add some words to make my meaning clearer.】
6. Maybe your ending can be "Isn't she a super heroine in the children's eyes?"
【I've already stated that the responder is the super heroine in the children's eyes in the former paragraph, so I don’t think that use this sentence as my ending is appropriate and necessary.】
